After eleven days in the hospital, I finally can sleep in the comfort of my own bed, nap in the comfort of my own living room, and just be in peace for more than a couple hours a time.
I rang the ceremonious bell and said goodbye to the nurses who were around today. I plan on returning one day soon when I am officially in remission and thank them properly. Today I just wanted to get out 😛
One final thought/PSA, as Ulman Foundation kicks off its Adolescent & Young Adult Cancer Awareness Week:
Especially when a med student was asking questions when I was getting my CAR-T cells, I realized this is something that everyone really needs to understand as an essential life skill. When someone you know gets diagnosed with something, especially cancer, the least you could do is say something.
For me, it did not matter what or the substance; it was the action of just saying something that means so much to me. There have been “friends” that literally have not said a word, and that has hurt more than I would have expected. I get it. Some people just don’t know what to say. But is silence better, especially between friends, even former ones? Please consider how cancer affects young adults. We are only just starting out our lives and have so much potential. We have to think about whether we can even start our own families if we manage to get out of this. When I choose to share about my journey, whether through this blog or through Instagram, I do have an expectation that readers and followers are developing awareness and understanding. I do not expect everyone to reach out, but frankly, those who are consistently following me and do not say anything are weird. I want to understand them, too. I spill a lot of my personal shit on here; I do not have to.
For those who have said something, thank you. Clearly every message you send, even if just a short check-in or reply to a story or blog post, is so very much appreciated. To know someone cares means a lot, even if we are not or were never that close. Not everyone who follows me on Instagram reads my blog, and vice versa, but I just wanted to get this out there that your voice matters. I have come to respect much more those who have spoken up, and those who haven’t, well, they’re dead to me. I have my life to worry about.
All that being said, do let me know if there’s anything specific that you would like to know more about, whether it’s CAR-T, hospitals, communication, lymphoma, etc., I am happy to impart whatever knowledge I’ve accumulated over the past year and a half. I have plenty of time to rant (and maybe sing some praises).